im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
