at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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