So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
