I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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