i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dick very happy bro
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize