I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
