Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
