we have officially lost it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
