Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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