I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
