it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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