I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
