im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
