Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize