I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
