I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
