NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
