I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
