I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
