I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
