a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
