All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
