Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
