I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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