Will you blow on my dice?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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