Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
