Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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