I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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