Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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