yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
