my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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