Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize