You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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