Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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