I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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