hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
