If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
