so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
