i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
