I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
