I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
