i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
