Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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