totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize