Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
