i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
