I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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