matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
