She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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