i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
