I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
