I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
being pregnant is like rehab
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
