i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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