i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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