Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
