hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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