I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
