i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
