Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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