at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize