i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
