I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
