wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
