i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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